Since my last entry I have been on vacation, quit my job and have some very juicy gossip.  I'll probably update in the next few days since I have crap all to do but for now my bed is beckoning.

But... watch dis space yo.

Night.

Today, I accepted a job offer in London.

Back in my Uni days I met an array of people; from Caucasians to Indians to Irish to Scottish and to Chinese.  During my first semester as a fresher I be-friended an international student from China, his name was Wai.

Now, Wai was your typical sheltered China-boy with a truck load of cash - some would say he had more money than sense.  He didn’t exactly live in student accommodations or travelled by bus / train. He had his own two bed apartment and rolled in a M3.  He was naïve as fuck and had no concept of western culture. 

Oh and he was also a horny little bastard that would slip it in anything with a pulse and vaj.  I remember the first chick he got down and dirty with was some fat chick with no front teeth (yeah that's right, you read it right, no front teeth).  The guy was so proud he snapped a load of nude photos of her and MMS’d them to me whilst I was in class – that was the first time I ever threw up in my mouth and had to re-swallow it… Cnut.

Anyway, there was one weekend just before Christmas which I was forced to take Wai to a bar.  It was originally, suppose to be just me and this girl I was trying to hook up with but the China-boy didn’t know what a third wheel or a light bulb was.  In addition, the guy wanted more action after his successful hook up with the toothless whale.  I reluctantly agreed, after all, the poor bastard had no one else.

As usual, the club we attended was full and the booze was cheap 60p for a Vodka & Coke;

Booooyahhh!

and as usual Wai got unbelievably shit-faced.

We had not been inside for more than ten minutes, when my date gave me this dirty sultry look to go do some durrrrty dancing.

I just nodded like a dummy and followed.  

Someone be getting some poooooon-na-na tonight!

“Right, Wai, we’re gonna go rip up the dance floor, you gonna be alright for a while?”

Wai grinned like an idiot and yelled “DUN WOLLY BOUT ME LA, YOU GO SHAKEY SHAKEY!”

“Aight” I said as I followed my date to dance floor and got down with it or widdit as we kids would have said back then.

Don’t judge me! You’ve all been there, talkin’ like dis yo!

We were at it for almost two hours, copping a feel dancing and drinking, when my date informed me she had to leave… without me…

Dammit… touched it too soon… ah well…

After her departure, I realised that I hadn't seen Wai at all.  I moved up to higher ground nursing two Vodka & Cokes, looking for a China-boy in a white vest.

A few more minutes of looking I spotted him charging towards and my god the boy was shit-faced beyond belief.  The son of a bitch couldn’t even speak properly…-

Wait hang on a minute, he was accompanied by a woman.  The son of a bitch has done it again.  He’s pulled.

"HEY DISH ISH MEEEEECHELLE.  SHAY HEWWO!"

Have you ever heard a Chinese person with poor English trying to speak when he’s shit-faced?  Funny shit ever.
"Hi!" she screeched.

“ME AND MEEEESHELLEEE LEAVE. YOU GOES TOO?”

“Yeah… I don’t have my flat keys… need to wait till the morning for the concierge to let me in…” 

The three of us left the club, I stared at Michelle.  She was fucking tall.  Almost 6 ft, poor Wai is only a 5’5”, she was going to run him ragged.  I began cursing…

I come with a girl and he comes alone but that son of a bitch ends up getting action tonight?! Wtf?! Maybe I should start rocking this China-man vest look… At least she wasn’t attractive, if she were I’d go kill myself right now.

We got to Wai’s plush apartment or as he would call it his “Vagina Pad”. I decided to crash on the sofa and watch TV while Wai and Michelle headed to the bedroom straight away.  I’d admit, there was a hint of jealousy as they walked away but I got over it, she was ugly anyway.

So I laid there watching an episode of friends and started to drift off to the kingdom of boobies where it was not illegal to touch and vagina was on tap and … -

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

Wai came running out of the bedroom. He looked as white as a ghost and as sober as a nun.

“Holy fuck, what the fuck is wrong?!”

"OH GOD, OH GOD OHHHHHH MY GOD"

"What?!"

"I.... SHE.... HER.... OH GOD… "

"Eh??!”

That's when Michelle came out in all her glory.  It took me a while to notice but my eyes eventually became accustomed to the light and I realised why Wai was so upset as Michelle stood there with a raging 8 inch stiff.

I KNEW THERE HAD TO BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER/HIM/IT!

"MY EYES, DEY BREED, DEY HURT AHHHHHHHH!" Wai screamed. "PREASE, I BEG YOU, GO AWAY!!!”

Michelle was looking pretty fucked off, stormed in the room and got dressed.  As she left she yelled, “I don’t know what your problem is, I told you I was a tranny!” and slammed the door.

Wait… What?... “She TOLD you?!”

At this point, Wai was already in tears “I not know what it mean, I fort it was kinky sexi time!”

Wai spent the better part of the night hugging the porcelain goddess and vomiting.

I spent it laughing my ass off as in between each worship the poor guy would look up, all teary eyed and barely audible and say:

"I...I...I................ ...a..al..al..most................ licked it……"

SH.

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And now for some real sexy time.